Solace (Sean)
Retired Clan Member
RETIRED FROM AA as Solace-=Of-God=-
Posts: 318
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Post by Solace (Sean) on Jan 26, 2006 18:20:36 GMT -5
Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried. Ever.
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits. Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris, you may be only seconds away from death.
Chuck Norris has counted to infinity. Twice.
In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone else has ever gotten.
There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, and he went back in time.
The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.
Chuck Norris invented Kentucky Fried Chicken's famous secret recipe, with eleven herbs and spices. But nobody ever mentions the twelfth ingredient: Fear.
Chuck Norris once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"
Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.
When Chuck Norris was denied an Egg McMuffin at McDonald's because it was 10:35, he roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a Wendy's.
When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris does not own a stove, oven, or microwave , because revenge is a dish best served cold.
Nagasaki never had a bomb dropped on it. Chuck Norris jumped out of a plane and punched the ground.
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Post by rebelliouspuppet on Jan 26, 2006 18:30:43 GMT -5
haha i heard those. I went around saying them on servers, until finally i got muted
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Post by Dynasty-=Of-God=- (David) on Jan 26, 2006 19:36:44 GMT -5
These are so stupid, there funny
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Post by cangiano on Jan 26, 2006 19:39:36 GMT -5
Oh man, I thought this was the one forum that wouldn't succumb to all that Chuck Norris stuff!!!
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Post by enginerd on Jan 26, 2006 21:06:19 GMT -5
We have one of these at my school's forums. I personally have ever seen the show, but meh. Anyway, heres a few good ones:
Chuck Norris invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.
Chuck Norris appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
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Post by rebelliouspuppet on Jan 26, 2006 22:51:40 GMT -5
Chuck norris invented KFC, but they took his idea. The original recipe? 13 secret spices and seasonings and....fear.
When Chuck Norris donates blood, he doesnt use a siringe. He uses a handgun and a bucket.
Some people wear superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas
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Post by tippman98 on Jan 28, 2006 2:18:30 GMT -5
Ok i have never seen a Chuck Noris show till tonight. It was the stupidest show i have ever seen. I don't want to say anything political except that the bad guys that wanted to kill the "colorless" people w/ bombs ( they where terrorists ) where christian "directionless"-wingers who just where trigger happy and wanted to just bring terror. do you think this is a verry Godly show?
I have to also say that we watched MASH just before it and that was halious! I always love a good MASH. They may be old but they are some of the funniest shows to watch. I thaught that this was a harmles thing, this chuck noris thing... tell i saw his show.
--tyler
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Post by Peace-=Of-God=- on Jan 28, 2006 2:34:17 GMT -5
You're kidding, right? M*A*S*H?? Funny, sure, but I didn't think that someone from as far to the right as you would enjoy the whole liberal-agenda anti-war subplot that backdropped the entire series. :Scratch-Chin:
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Post by tippman98 on Jan 28, 2006 3:22:33 GMT -5
oh comeon... even back then when they where liberal they whern't anti-christian. i know it has it's weekneses but atleast they don't just come right out and call christians terrorists. come on you have to agree with me M*A*S*H was funny!
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Post by Rancher-=Of-God=- (Ryan) on Jan 28, 2006 11:13:32 GMT -5
You're kidding, right? M*A*S*H?? Funny, sure, but I didn't think that someone from as far to the right as you would enjoy the whole liberal-agenda anti-war subplot that backdropped the entire series. :Scratch-Chin: well...........................(i can't think of anything to say ) o hear we go um...at least M*A*S*H has better acting then Chuck Norris!!! but M*A*S*H is left wing and anti war but they make it out as a joke i think!!!! ive just never seen it as left wing or anti war (ok mabye there is that one guy that cross dresses to try to get out of the war but that just ads humor. all im trying say is that chuch noris show comes out and says that the "derectionlist" are the terrist, but M*A*S*H shows the true nature of the left wing librals sorry dont mean to sound like im make a moral judgment on the tv shows. Ryan
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Post by Hammer-=Of-God=- (Matt) on Jan 30, 2006 9:32:18 GMT -5
MY Fave Chuck Norris Fact: Luke Skywalker didn't blow up the Deathstar. Chuck Norris did. With his mind.
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Post by rebelliouspuppet on Jan 30, 2006 19:16:32 GMT -5
Chuck Norris is the reason Waldo is in hiding (you know, "wheres waldo?") Chuck Norris Knows where in the world Carmen Sandiego is (Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego is an old PC game.....)
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Post by Music-=Of-God=- (Andrew) on Jan 30, 2006 22:56:51 GMT -5
I love these! Some more: Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis. A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there. If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever. Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship. Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris. In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself. Chuck Norris can divide by zero. The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears. A picture is worth a thousand words. A Chuck Norris is worth 1 billion words. When taking the SAT, write "Chuck Norris" for every answer. You will score over 8000. Nobody doesn't like Sara Lee. Except Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one. It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes. Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer. Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won. And the winner is: Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter.
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Post by rebelliouspuppet on Feb 2, 2006 17:19:38 GMT -5
{ADMIN EDIT: READ AND SCREEN BEFORE YOU POST. HALF THE ONES YOU POSTED WERE ALREADY HERE.}
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Post by soulsaver on Feb 20, 2006 4:55:34 GMT -5
What is with everyone and Chuck Norris? Did I miss something? I just dont get it.....
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Post by Dream-=Of-God=- on Feb 20, 2006 14:27:15 GMT -5
It's a joke. Chuck Norris is indestructible. Ha ha, it's funny. Laugh. I don't think this has been used, but I heard it Saturday night strange enough. A couple friends of mine are obsessed with ChucK Norris jokes. "There are talks of making a second Alien vs. Predator, with the addition of Chuck Norris. However, the movie was shot down considering the fight between them would last 15 seconds."
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Post by FullArmor-=Of-God=- on Feb 20, 2006 14:50:42 GMT -5
Some people wear superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas I used to think these jokes were a little corny, but this one made me laugh out loud! Thanks for the laugh!
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Solace (Sean)
Retired Clan Member
RETIRED FROM AA as Solace-=Of-God=-
Posts: 318
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Post by Solace (Sean) on Feb 20, 2006 18:07:00 GMT -5
People have interviewed Chuck Norris and almost everytime the topic of these 'Chick Norris facts' have been brought up and each time he has to say how false they are--but we all know one thing: the facts are true
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Post by Dream-=Of-God=- on Feb 20, 2006 20:08:24 GMT -5
In order to survive a nuclear attack, you must remember to stop, drop, and be Chuck Norris.
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Post by Champ-=Of-God=- (Eric) on Feb 21, 2006 14:26:56 GMT -5
I've never really got these jokes, but they're so dumb they're funny.
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