Post by defendaprods718 on Jan 12, 2008 22:36:32 GMT -5
Man In The Mirror
For those of you who haven’t met me yet my name s is Jason Medina (defendaprods718 for those of you who have lol).
I just want to take this opportunity to tell you all a little bit about myself and how God has impacted me and changed my life.
I grew up in South Brooklyn, New York and like many kids that grew up in my neighborhood , I found that getting yourself into trouble wasn’t a very hard to do.
I wasn’t like a came from a bad home, Mom and Dad were always there I just made some bad decisions.
Most of the kids around me came from broken homes and there living conditions were less than desirable to say the least.
It has been said they “we are products of our environment” and I can honestly say that for the most part that statement is very true.
I…in my junior high and high schools years as well as college day now that I think about it, would often stare into the mirror at myself and ponder….
“Who am I? Why am I here? What purpose does my existence serve?”
Most secular sources and studies say that it’s normal for adolescents to feel this way since “the transition into adolescence begins the move toward independence from parents and the need to establish one’s own values, sexuality , and the skills and competencies needed to compete in adult society.”
Basically we all struggle to find our identity however… more often than not, we associate with or try to identify with the personalities ( people and behaviors) around us. This is a defense mechanism that many kids develop as a way to blend in and be accepted by their peers.
I believe that God pre-programs these questions in all of us so as to gently prompt us to start digging for the truth.
I say that because I wound often ask myself these questions locked away in my room usually after sessions of getting high, sexual promiscuity and frequent acts of violence…all of which seemed to boost my social status and popularity the more I engaged in them!
So why did I feel so empty and needy as I would reflect on the day passed while laying in bed in the darkness looking at the ceiling every night?
Then things took a turn for the worse …
My father passed away from a heart attack, my girlfriend told me that “she couldn’t be with me anymore” and my drug problem was spiraling out of control.
The walls of my life seemed to be closing in all around me and I was an emotional wreck .
I found myself smoking obscene amounts of marijuana, snorting coke, tabs of acid and mescaline, eating mushrooms and finally crystal meth.
On the morning of my fathers funeral… I got up and went to the bathroom and pretty much fell to pieces. And it was there, in my ignorance that I spoke to the Lord on hand and knees, weary and brokenhearted.
I said to Him sobbing uncontrollably …
”Lord I’ve heard it said that you would never give someone a cross to heavy for them to bear….help me because I can’t do this on my own. How will we pay the bills? How will we survive?
I know that I’m Far from being a good person…and there’s no reason why you should even listen to a word I say , but please help me….
Help me to be just half the man Dad was…
Please God…I need You.”
It was at that point that something amazing happened. I felt an overwhelming warmth and peace come over me. I felt light and calm. I found the strength to stand and get ready for the task ahead.
I couldn’t help but wondered what had just transpired. I knew that it wasn’t natural but supernatural… I knew that it was God and that He actually heard me.
It’s almost impossible to describe the experience or put it into words but if I had to choose a word to describe it, I guess it would be
“EUPHORIA”!
God had heard me and began working in my life but I wasn’t out of the woods yet.
I still had a drug problem that was beyond my control. I mean…I tried to stop a few time but never really lasted more than two or three days before falling off.
I really wanted to after that experience but I just couldn’t.
One day in my room I was getting high and I started thinking about that morning God heard me and I spoke to Him again.
I told Him , “God…I asked you for help once before and I believe you heard and answered my prayer…I want to stop doing this but I just can’t. If you can do anything and you can really hear me than help me because this is destroying my life. I need Your help!”
Again…something astonishing happened as I was looking in the mirror.
God showed me something that disturbs me even to this day.
He opened my spiritual eyes and showed me my “spiritual man”.
And as I gazed in the mirror, I appeared to myself to be decrepit and wasted away, kind of like a dead man or corpse. It was like I was in a movie or something and I felt nauseated and sick (not to mention freak out, lol).
I realized that this where I was headed and what bad condition I was in.
It was all I could think about for days but realized that a few days had passed and I hadn’t got high. In fact the mere thought of getting high gave me a sick feeling and it amazed me. Days turned into weeks and I remained clean and in awe of
What God had done even though some that I shared the experience with tried to explain it away as a drug induced hallucination. I knew better though and I wanted more.
I was still devastated by my father’s passing and had a hard time coping with it.
It weighed so heavy in my heart sometimes I thought it would burst!
I said to myself … “every time you’ve felt like this Jason you’ve cried to God and He’s actually heard and reached out to you!”
I decided up the anty and go to His house and talk to Him. I mean… it’s the least I could do after He’s come to visit me the past two times, but where?
I figured the church where my father’s funeral took place was a good place so I headed out to St. Thomas church in Park Slope.
I found and empty pew… and knelt and began to tell God how bad I was feeling. I remember that I covered my face with because I was crying and I didn’t want anyone to see me. I was there maybe about 15 minutes just talking to God in a very low whisper with my face covered and I felt somebody touch my shoulder.
I also remember saying to myself “Wow, who would interrupt somebody who’s obviously praying?”
And when I looked up there was a woman standing there smiling.
I can still remember her. There was something strange about her. Something different. Something warm and inviting that made me feel almost like I did that morning of my father’s funeral.
Then she spoke to me and I’ll never forget what she said.
She said…
“ There is nothing more beautiful than to see a young person looking for the Lord.
I was walking by and God told me to come in here and speak to you.
He knows the pain that you’re going through and He wants you to know that He Loves you very much and that He has a Purpose for your life which is why He has snatched you from the very jaws of death several times!
(Immediately my mind began to recollect instances where I was somewhere I shouldn’t have been doing things I shouldn’t have been doing where some people, including some of my acquaintances lost their lives. There were three specific instances where I was looking down the barrel of a gun in the previous weeks past, specifically)
He wants you to give your life to Him.”
She then prayed for me and left. I got up and started home in total amazement of what just happened. I could help thinking all the way home “she must have been an angel”. I told my mother what had happened and she went to pieces.
Then something even more amazing happened.
I felt the uncontrollable urge and sense of urgency to go to the church across the street. Now this is amazing cause I really disliked this particular congregation. They where always there, no just on Sunday. They would take up all the parking and make a lot of noise with their guitars and drums and preaching!
They irked me so much that I recall kissing my fingers and throwing them out swearing in front of some friends that nobody would ever catch me dead in that place.
Little did I know that there’s exactly where God would place me( what a sense of humor). Not only would he place me there but he would make me a relative to practically everyone there since it would be the place I would meet my wife, her mother , her brothers, her cousins, her aunts and uncles , which included the pastor …lol!!!
I couldn’t contain myself anymore… I walked into the church and was greeted by the Pastor. Service hadn’t even started yet.
He said “hello. I’m Pastor Jaime can I help you?”
Much to his amazement I said …
“Yes…I need Jesus! I been feeling empty inside and I’ve tried everything to make it go away…except Jesus. I finally realize what it is I need! Jesus”
With his eyes opened really wide in amazement he exclaimed “Amen!” and marched me right up to the altar and led me in the sinner’s prayer!
Twelve years I’m still serving the Lord. God has used me to preach His holy Word and impact the lives of other young people. I’ve actively counseled them in rap sessions (cell groups), have been active in sound ministry, have produced alternative Christian music and continue to bear witness to the love of God the Father, the power of His Holy Spirit and the saving grace of His Son, Jesus Christ!
Now when I look in the Mirror I see the man i was meant to be! A Son of God and co-heir to the kingdom of heaven! Purposed driven to lead others to the source of the love that surpasses all understanding!
I want to thank you for reading this testimony and I hope it has positively impacted and encouraged you!
Peace and God Bless!
Jason Medina a.k.a. defendaprods718
For those of you who haven’t met me yet my name s is Jason Medina (defendaprods718 for those of you who have lol).
I just want to take this opportunity to tell you all a little bit about myself and how God has impacted me and changed my life.
I grew up in South Brooklyn, New York and like many kids that grew up in my neighborhood , I found that getting yourself into trouble wasn’t a very hard to do.
I wasn’t like a came from a bad home, Mom and Dad were always there I just made some bad decisions.
Most of the kids around me came from broken homes and there living conditions were less than desirable to say the least.
It has been said they “we are products of our environment” and I can honestly say that for the most part that statement is very true.
I…in my junior high and high schools years as well as college day now that I think about it, would often stare into the mirror at myself and ponder….
“Who am I? Why am I here? What purpose does my existence serve?”
Most secular sources and studies say that it’s normal for adolescents to feel this way since “the transition into adolescence begins the move toward independence from parents and the need to establish one’s own values, sexuality , and the skills and competencies needed to compete in adult society.”
Basically we all struggle to find our identity however… more often than not, we associate with or try to identify with the personalities ( people and behaviors) around us. This is a defense mechanism that many kids develop as a way to blend in and be accepted by their peers.
I believe that God pre-programs these questions in all of us so as to gently prompt us to start digging for the truth.
I say that because I wound often ask myself these questions locked away in my room usually after sessions of getting high, sexual promiscuity and frequent acts of violence…all of which seemed to boost my social status and popularity the more I engaged in them!
So why did I feel so empty and needy as I would reflect on the day passed while laying in bed in the darkness looking at the ceiling every night?
Then things took a turn for the worse …
My father passed away from a heart attack, my girlfriend told me that “she couldn’t be with me anymore” and my drug problem was spiraling out of control.
The walls of my life seemed to be closing in all around me and I was an emotional wreck .
I found myself smoking obscene amounts of marijuana, snorting coke, tabs of acid and mescaline, eating mushrooms and finally crystal meth.
On the morning of my fathers funeral… I got up and went to the bathroom and pretty much fell to pieces. And it was there, in my ignorance that I spoke to the Lord on hand and knees, weary and brokenhearted.
I said to Him sobbing uncontrollably …
”Lord I’ve heard it said that you would never give someone a cross to heavy for them to bear….help me because I can’t do this on my own. How will we pay the bills? How will we survive?
I know that I’m Far from being a good person…and there’s no reason why you should even listen to a word I say , but please help me….
Help me to be just half the man Dad was…
Please God…I need You.”
It was at that point that something amazing happened. I felt an overwhelming warmth and peace come over me. I felt light and calm. I found the strength to stand and get ready for the task ahead.
I couldn’t help but wondered what had just transpired. I knew that it wasn’t natural but supernatural… I knew that it was God and that He actually heard me.
It’s almost impossible to describe the experience or put it into words but if I had to choose a word to describe it, I guess it would be
“EUPHORIA”!
God had heard me and began working in my life but I wasn’t out of the woods yet.
I still had a drug problem that was beyond my control. I mean…I tried to stop a few time but never really lasted more than two or three days before falling off.
I really wanted to after that experience but I just couldn’t.
One day in my room I was getting high and I started thinking about that morning God heard me and I spoke to Him again.
I told Him , “God…I asked you for help once before and I believe you heard and answered my prayer…I want to stop doing this but I just can’t. If you can do anything and you can really hear me than help me because this is destroying my life. I need Your help!”
Again…something astonishing happened as I was looking in the mirror.
God showed me something that disturbs me even to this day.
He opened my spiritual eyes and showed me my “spiritual man”.
And as I gazed in the mirror, I appeared to myself to be decrepit and wasted away, kind of like a dead man or corpse. It was like I was in a movie or something and I felt nauseated and sick (not to mention freak out, lol).
I realized that this where I was headed and what bad condition I was in.
It was all I could think about for days but realized that a few days had passed and I hadn’t got high. In fact the mere thought of getting high gave me a sick feeling and it amazed me. Days turned into weeks and I remained clean and in awe of
What God had done even though some that I shared the experience with tried to explain it away as a drug induced hallucination. I knew better though and I wanted more.
I was still devastated by my father’s passing and had a hard time coping with it.
It weighed so heavy in my heart sometimes I thought it would burst!
I said to myself … “every time you’ve felt like this Jason you’ve cried to God and He’s actually heard and reached out to you!”
I decided up the anty and go to His house and talk to Him. I mean… it’s the least I could do after He’s come to visit me the past two times, but where?
I figured the church where my father’s funeral took place was a good place so I headed out to St. Thomas church in Park Slope.
I found and empty pew… and knelt and began to tell God how bad I was feeling. I remember that I covered my face with because I was crying and I didn’t want anyone to see me. I was there maybe about 15 minutes just talking to God in a very low whisper with my face covered and I felt somebody touch my shoulder.
I also remember saying to myself “Wow, who would interrupt somebody who’s obviously praying?”
And when I looked up there was a woman standing there smiling.
I can still remember her. There was something strange about her. Something different. Something warm and inviting that made me feel almost like I did that morning of my father’s funeral.
Then she spoke to me and I’ll never forget what she said.
She said…
“ There is nothing more beautiful than to see a young person looking for the Lord.
I was walking by and God told me to come in here and speak to you.
He knows the pain that you’re going through and He wants you to know that He Loves you very much and that He has a Purpose for your life which is why He has snatched you from the very jaws of death several times!
(Immediately my mind began to recollect instances where I was somewhere I shouldn’t have been doing things I shouldn’t have been doing where some people, including some of my acquaintances lost their lives. There were three specific instances where I was looking down the barrel of a gun in the previous weeks past, specifically)
He wants you to give your life to Him.”
She then prayed for me and left. I got up and started home in total amazement of what just happened. I could help thinking all the way home “she must have been an angel”. I told my mother what had happened and she went to pieces.
Then something even more amazing happened.
I felt the uncontrollable urge and sense of urgency to go to the church across the street. Now this is amazing cause I really disliked this particular congregation. They where always there, no just on Sunday. They would take up all the parking and make a lot of noise with their guitars and drums and preaching!
They irked me so much that I recall kissing my fingers and throwing them out swearing in front of some friends that nobody would ever catch me dead in that place.
Little did I know that there’s exactly where God would place me( what a sense of humor). Not only would he place me there but he would make me a relative to practically everyone there since it would be the place I would meet my wife, her mother , her brothers, her cousins, her aunts and uncles , which included the pastor …lol!!!
I couldn’t contain myself anymore… I walked into the church and was greeted by the Pastor. Service hadn’t even started yet.
He said “hello. I’m Pastor Jaime can I help you?”
Much to his amazement I said …
“Yes…I need Jesus! I been feeling empty inside and I’ve tried everything to make it go away…except Jesus. I finally realize what it is I need! Jesus”
With his eyes opened really wide in amazement he exclaimed “Amen!” and marched me right up to the altar and led me in the sinner’s prayer!
Twelve years I’m still serving the Lord. God has used me to preach His holy Word and impact the lives of other young people. I’ve actively counseled them in rap sessions (cell groups), have been active in sound ministry, have produced alternative Christian music and continue to bear witness to the love of God the Father, the power of His Holy Spirit and the saving grace of His Son, Jesus Christ!
Now when I look in the Mirror I see the man i was meant to be! A Son of God and co-heir to the kingdom of heaven! Purposed driven to lead others to the source of the love that surpasses all understanding!
I want to thank you for reading this testimony and I hope it has positively impacted and encouraged you!
Peace and God Bless!
Jason Medina a.k.a. defendaprods718